She didn't make the team. Now what?

• Talk about ways that sports teach us how to excel and deal with fear and rejection.

• Reward effort over the end result. It's enough to have tried, which takes great courage.

• Set an example. If you're a weekend volleyball player, show how much you love it.

• Find another outlet. Teens have plenty of other ways to create the same opportunities for social and personal accomplishment.

• Don't take it too seriously, and above all, make sure she knows your love is unconditional and not dependent on her accomplishments in sports.

An Interview With Fran Harris

Fran Harris won the WNBA championship with the Houston Comets in 1997, and is now an author and speaker. Here is her advice for teens-and parents of teens-who excel in a sport.

PTO: What made the biggest difference for you as it became obvious you were so talented?

FH: I had the support of my family, but I didn't have pressure. That's ideal. But it's unusual. Parents have so many expectations.

PTO: How can parents encourage a dedicated teen athlete?

FH: Where does that dedication come from? Is it inside of her because she loves the sport? If so, great. Nurture it. But if it's driven by parents living vicariously, then it's for the wrong reason. Second, parents tend to focus on the stat sheet. When things go wrong, we say, "you just have to work harder." That's not real communication. There are a lot of things going on for a girl in sports that aren't on the stat sheet. Once you have great communication you can talk openly about performance.

PTO: Do girls face different pressures than boys?

FH: Parents have to be sure their daughter doesn't tie her self-worth to this one thing in her life. Who she is is not connected to how many points she scores, or whether she makes the team. Part of being an athlete-female or male-is winning and losing. It's how we deal with it that makes all the difference.

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Issue: September 2007