#3 Lower Your Expectations; Start with One Task

If you can’t stand how your son consistently leaves his towel on the bedroom floor after his shower, tell him. But don’t load on other chores at the same time. “Start with one thing,” Kelly says. “Say, ‘if you keep throwing your towel on the floor, you’ll have to stay home Friday night,’ and leave it at that.” And make sure the chores you assign accommodate your children’s schedules. A school night after a sports practice and a test looming the next day is not the best time to expect chores to be completed.

#4 Chores Can Be a Distraction

Test scores, relationship ups and downs, or preparing for college admissions can send the best-natured adolescent into a funk. But, just as adults can’t shirk their duties because they’re having a bad day, teens should be expected to follow through on their regular chores even when times are tough. “Actually,” says Kelly, “a chore can give a teen an anchor when things aren’t going well at school or socially. Taking the dog for a walk has nothing to do with an A or a B, and can serve as a welcome distraction.”

Tips to Get Chores Done

Tasks that involve the family are more likely than self-care chores to promote a sense of responsibility and participation in family activities.

• Pay, if a chore is particularly difficult. If it goes above and beyond what’s usually asked, most experts agree it is perfectly appropriate to pay your teen to do it.

• Let your teens have input into which tasks they feel they can complete on their timetable and according to their level of skills and abilities.

• Keep chores gender neutral. Many families are stuck in stereotypical role assignments lsuch as kitchen chores for daughters, and taking out the garbage and mowing the lawn for sons. Instead, teach your son to cook and do laundry; show your daughter how to wash the car and rake leaves.

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Issue: October 2008