Drive: 9 Ways to Motivate Your Kids to Achieve, by Janine Walker Caffrey, Ed.D., reprinted by permission with Da Capo Press/Lifelong Books.
Mark, age 16, sometimes shows up for school on time, and sometimes doesn’t. His mom begs, pleads, cajoles, threatens, and once even threw a little water on him to get him up for school. Eventually, he will get up, but is usually late. Once Mark finally gets to school, he doesn’t really engage. Though Mark used to be a good student, he is now very tired, lethargic, and can’t seem to get interested in very much. Although Mark’s mom doesn’t believe he is smoking pot, she actually has drug tested him a couple of times just to be sure. Mark isn’t using drugs; he just doesn’t seem to care about anything.
Clearly, Mark suffers from a lack of drive. What caused the demise of Mark’s inner motivation? Mark has grown up in a luxurious world where everything is programmed for him, things are very safe, he has been rewarded for each successful task, and things are given to him as soon as he requests them. From the time he was a very young child, his parents provided for his every desire, and now he really doesn’t desire anything.
Drive vs. Desire
Drive is often confused with desire. Desire just means that you want something. Drive is the willingness to do what it takes to get it. It is not enough just to want, yet many parents too quickly give in when their children express certain desires. Giving a child whatever they please, when they please, actually diminishes drive. Over time, if a child is always given what he wants without earning it, he never experiences the deep yearning that results in the painstaking efforts that it takes to achieve things that are truly important.
What Does Drive Look Like?
When would you like your child to move out of your house? Age 20? 25? 30? 35? 40? If you would like your child to get beyond the walls of your house, you must assist him in developing this important quality. People with drive have many advantages over those without it:
A person with drive finishes things.
Drive allows you to have the follow-through to get things done. A person with drive understands how important it is to finish things and honor one’s responsibilities. A driven person focuses the goal and is always working to move closer toward it.
RD Harmony, wichita, KS 12/01/08
It's an interesting list, but it doesn't mention a single life skill, other than auto driving. (Yes, bicycling might be a life skill, but cheerleading is not.) We deserve what we get when the adult leadership here (the author) leaves out cooking, laundry, bicycle maintenance, building a fire, tree trimming, faucet washer repair, basic sewing, and a host of other things that children need to know. Believe me, there is fun in learning the mastery of skills--and plainly there is both a shortage of expectation and of instruction in many schools, many homes and by counseling professionals. The Junior League, locally, has closed their thrift shop and is diverting resources to help non-performing students (that have been diverted to a special "ranch") to learn cooking basics. I find it rather sad that a non counseling/non education group of outsiders is moved to "point the way" in this manner.
Good parenting is teaching children a host of "needed for adulthood" skills--always has been, and always will be. How did we ever get to the point that we actually believe that we are considering "drive" without talking about life skill mastery?
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