Comments

• Jackie Handunge 07/13/09

  For advice and guidance on Parenting and advice to help you improve your family life, check out this site - http://www.bizymoms.com/familylife/index.html
  You will not be disappointed.

• angie wheeler, WI 04/21/09

  Dear Kelly,
  
  I was 14 when I became pregnant in 1979. It was not an easy decision, as my parents were recently divoriced and my boyfriend who I thought loved me, left me all alone. After extensive consultation of my options and support of various local community services, I decided to keep my child. This may not be the calling for everyone, as there are other options, except one that I will not encourage and that's abortion. I became pregnant at the begining of my freshmen year and gave birth in April 1980 to a health boy. I took a month off of school. This really made me grow up fast and yes, I could not do the "typical" high school activities because of my responsiblities. Peer pressure during these times are not easy and you find your support systems and those who will turn against you. I had the support of teachers and used my experience to teach others to "wait", and never think it cannot happen to you, as I once thought the same thing. I graduated in June and then went onto college and obtained my degree in Social Work and Biology. Today, I'm married and have two other children and work for a local fortune 500 company..but factor in that raising a child is a sacrifice and takes dedication, love, committment and hardwork. Your daughter will face emotional roller coaster rides and once she makes her decision, will question her path, but must never forget she has to make the decision. The key is to have good, ongoing support, but not pass the responsibility onto others, as this is her child and her future. I live in the Kenosha area, so if you are still seeking someone to talk to I'm very willing to do so in a non-bias and open mind. Please feel no shame, as things happen everyday and some for a reason, its the ability to adapt and move forward, you have tough choices to make, but keep an open mind and network with as many agencies and if she is still in school, work close with the teachers. Best wishes to your daughter and your family. Angie

• Connie Cavender, Chatsworth, GA 09/11/08

  As a mother of 2 and grandmother of 2, I would like to say at the age of 16, I had my daughter, yes in 1979... it was not that my mother or parents did not teach me right from wrong or even the importance of birthcontrol... it was peer pressure and the fact I was " in love", I am proud to say, hey my daugher is beautiful, I am glad I kept had her, and raised her myself. I graduate high school on June 1 and had my daughter on July 1 and became a college graduate at the age of 20y. Please don't say it can't be done... would I do it again....yes, yes, yes, each time I look in her beautiful blue eyes... I would do it again.. I love her as much as any mother would...yes it was hard, and I missed somethings or at least many one think that... but I think having her made me MORE determined to become something and someone she could be proud to call MOM, so when you look at that 16 year old pregnant girl, please don't shame her, it is hard enough without the people you love mostly your parents or soon to be grandparent not being supportitive...love her unconditionally... you never truly know what blessing in life you could miss by not helping her, loving her, and that unborn child....she can make it... and I must say to you without the love of my parents and their undcontditonal love and accepting me for who I was at 16y, I might not be who I am today... and to beat it all my father was the pastor of a large baptist church in my community when all of this happen to me and yes, we were talked about and no one could believe that I , the preacher 's daughter could be pregnant at 16y, but I was and I don't regret the joy of my daughter and the woman that it help me to become..hey, if I had not gotten pregnant I would have probaly been a true rebel in college, but instead I went to school to learn, and while others were partying I was studiying and learning to be mom, and yes, I attend college full time, worked a full time job and took care of my daughter, it is not impossible!!! Just remmber love your child and grandchild.... they do grow up......

• M.D. 09/10/08

  I wish more teens understood the benefits of releasing their child for adoption. I am 39 yrs old and I have released two children for adoption. One when I was 30 yrs old and then another one in 2006 after I had just had a baby in 2005. There are so many older single women and couples that waited to have children and now it is too late OR they have been unable to conceive. OPEN adoption is the key. If you can choose a family and the child can know its' adoptive parents AND its' biological parents, then it is healthier and better for everyone. One of my adoptions was done by the county and it was supposed to be open, but the parents chose to cut off all contact when my child was one year old. I do not know where he is or how he is doing and I am sad about that. But I do know that they are taking good care of him. I chose them for that reason. Because I knew they would be good parents. I knew they would be able to provide for him what I would not be able to. And the second child I released for adoption is doing GREAT!!! I see him at least twice a year at functions that the adoption facilitator puts together just for the purpose of getting the adoptive and biological parents together. One is a summer picnic and the other one is a Christmas party. The adoptive parents of the second child already have a college fund set up for him and his mother is a stay-at-home mom that is the best stay-at-home mom I have ever met. She does so much for her parents and for her children. I do not even know how she does it all. In closing, I would just like to say, open adoption is one of the best things I have ever done for any of my children.

• Lori Lehman, Clinton, IA 07/10/08

  Our daughter is also 16 and just told us she is pregnant. We feel the same way "nina" does. My husband and I just recently married. My daughters & I went from a lil' family of 3 to a large family of 8!! For the most part everything is going well. Considering the combinding of 2 families with different views. :-)
  Well, my husband & I are very concerned about how to tell the new "step" siblings?? And of course Grandparents, etc?? Our daughter believes it will be in her best interest to keep the child. And we agree that this will be the best decision for her. We have been very loving & supportive with her. Her boyfriend is 18 and just graduated high school and isn't very supportive! He says "SHE" is going to "RUIN" his life, by having the baby. They have only been dating for about 6 months...UUUGGGHHH!!

• Marlene Garman, Roanoke, VA 07/09/08

  Check with your local health department or community services boards to see if your area has programs designed to help and support pregnant teens and their families... Resource Mothers, Maternal/Infant Care Coordination, WIC, Social Services, etc. Many states offer wonderful, free programs that are desined to help pregnant and parenting teens prepare for the journey into parenthood. Best of luck to you and your family~

• nina 05/07/08

  My daughter just told me she was pregnant. She is 16. I did all the things that i was supposed to. I thought I knew where she was and all that. Well big surprise, she wasn't. I even had all the sex talks with her. She made the decision to have sex even when she knew what she was doing was wrong. Sometimes I think that it is all my fault. But I was not there when she made the decision. Now I just try to get through one hour at a time. I don't know what the future holds but I will try my best to be there for her. Reading all the articles did not help us. I don't know what to do now.

• Liz M. 04/23/08

  Just wondering...(Regarding the Poll) I'm assuming by birth control you mean contraceptives and condoms, is there a reason teaching teens the benefits of saving sex until marriage and equipping them with the knowledge and skills to do so is not even an option in the poll? We know that's the only proven 100% effective birth control.

• Michelle LoGuidice, CA 04/19/08

  I echo the sentiments of FRUSTRATED MOM. We do everything we can and then *poof* you think your words are wasted...but then I think about, what if I never had the first conversation with my daughter about sex, where would she be then? If we remember when we were growing up, and we are honest about it, we didn't always do what we were taught, even though we knew better, but sometimes it did slow us down. We might not have acted on our first impulse. So when I think about my own daughter, maybe in the end she did her own thing (which I disagree with her actions) and then again maybe she said no ten times first. And then there is the flip side, after our talks, and what's done is done, maybe next time she'll say no twenty times, or thirty times, or maybe she will think about our talks and maybe she will wait till the time is right...and that is all I can pray for and in the meantime, keep saying the same thing over and over even though I know I sound like a broken record. And then, pray some more....

• Anonymous 04/15/08

  I guess this can be a comment but its more like I am venting. How do we as parent deal with situations when in reality you have no control over it. As a parent who has always been open with her child and started the discussion very early I have to say that I am disappointed that nothing worked. My child had sex without protection. My child is an honor roll student very athletic and she allowed a boy to manipulate her into doing something she already had mixed feelings about and no matter how many times we had the discussion and how much information she had, when push came to shove she never even thought about a word we spoke about and did it without contraceptives. How do we deal with that? On top of it all, the boy dumped her the very same day. Now what do we do? Part of me doesn't want to look at her and alienate her, but the mom inside says just hold her and let her know it will be OK. BUT, will it happen again and that is part of the anger I have now. How do I trust again? How can I now keep her from doing it again? Her friends have had similar experiences and it didn't stop them from doing it. They are now becoming promiscuous. How can I keep that from happening with my child. I feel that my words went sailing with the wind.
  FRUSTRATED MOM

• Annette Roehmann, Anaheim 04/14/08

  It is sad to see, that so many young girls keep their focus on sexual relationships, than on other, more important values at that time. I think the point gets not enough stressed, that finishing school and getting a job gives you, and the family you plan down the road, a better start in life.
  I think we should also involve more the fashion and media industry to stop promoting all that promiscuous behavior and fashion. Often times there is too much skin showing and some prostitutes are better dressed than the average teen. What do we teach our kids? they should look like they're easy? I didn't appreciate it back then, but my allowance was tiny and if I wanted something fancy to wear, I had to buy it myself, and that meant often times, saving for a few months.
  Get them involved in fun family activities, that they get to pick, start early and their focus will change long enough into adulthood.

• Jan Smith 04/12/08

  You are on target. When my daughter, now 19, was 15 years old she was involved with a 17 year old boy. I knew that a sexual relationship wouldn't be far behind. So, one day, summoning up my courage I just asked her, point blank-indeed she said yes, they had become sexually involved. I didn't hesitate. I simply said, this is not what I would wish but clearly she was taking on adult privilege and therefore needed to take on adult responsibility...which meant seeing a health care provider regularly and appropriately using birth control. She 'balked' and said that maybe she wanted to have a baby---la, la, la....I was gentle but firm-Having a sexual relationship was not to be confused with becoming a parent-the conversation went on but I held my ground and tried to listen carefully-She agreed to go...the health care provider was terrific-my daughter has been remarkably disciplined and constant in maintaining her care and being responsible with birth control. That relationship went for almost four years. It is now over (as I suspected it would be)-it was a tough time because that is NOT what I would have wished-not out of some 'moral stance' but because intense relations at that age simply get in the way of so many things-on the other hand, my daughter and I remained close, she is now in college and I believe my decision to support her sexuality and not judge that aspect of her behavior coupled with pointing out that sex and parenthood are not one and the same so think carefully about what she was choosing-and affirming that I trusted her to use good judgement-all worked. By the way, I never felt completely confident in my choices as a parent for a long time-there is little support in the culture these days for parents who take this path-

• Jeanne M. 04/10/08

  Parents ought to wake up and start dealing with kids who are having sex! They have no business having sex in high school and parents should lay down the law. I really think it’s boredom, that they don’t have enough to keep them busy and they are so unsupervised. My 15-year-old has to report to me when she’s out on a date or with friends, and I make sure I know whose house she’s visiting. I have told her that if she ever does anything inappropriate, there will be a very big price to pay—so she pays attention.

• Name Withheld 04/09/08

  My daughter told me she was pregnant two weeks ago, and I really don’t know what to do. I’m glad she told me, and we really like her boyfriend (we knew they were sexually active), but we don’t live in a community where a pregnant teenager would be accepted. My husband and I do not want her to have this child. She herself is really on the fence about it, and she says she would give the child up for adoption, because there are so many people who can’t have kids. But the idea of her going through this, and what it will mean for her future, is just more than I can deal with. She needs to make a decision very soon. She is going for counseling, and I hope that will help.