Comments

• April Berkowski 07/30/08

  My daughter knows that if I trust her she will receive more priveliges and freedom. It's up to her to earn and keep my trust. There will be times when a child doesn't want to deal with the reality of consequences or wants to manipulate us into getting something they want, so they will likely be dishonest. It's important to remain very present in their lives, pay attention, ask questions and model honesty and be available for them. Work on the relationship. There are times when I know my kid is lying and to get her to admit the truth, I will let her know that she can either tell the truth and only receive a consequence for the indiscretion, or she can lie and receive two consequences...one for lying, one for the indiscretion. Use good judgement, don't make it personal and encourage them make good choices. They can choose to live honestly (and receive our trust) or to live dishonestly (and not receive trust and the freedom that goes with it). And don't be afraid to check up on them...they're your children...you are responsible for their well being! It's not about being their friend...it's about being a parent.

• Ione Spear, west Linn 07/12/08

  I'm confused about the part "assure them they won’t get in trouble for telling the truth." Let's say you have a rule that clearly defines a rule and clearly defines the punishment. They break the rule, but don't want to tell you because of the punishment. Are you supposed to forget about the defined punishment in order to get them to tell you the truth?? It seems to me they would never really suffer any loss of privileges then for bad behavior and breaking your rules as long as they tell the truth?????

• Carole Rosen 07/11/08

  My teenage son lies almost constantly. We have told him that he will not be able to get his learners permit for driving until he curtails the lies, as we feel that if he too immature to tell the truth, he's too immature to drive. He's trying not to lie, but I think he can't help himself.

• Michelle LoGuidice, CA 07/10/08

  Doesn't anybody have any idea how to deal with the lying? Or have we become the society that just lays down and rolls over???? I'm not being critical of those of you (who like me) are only trying to establish honest communications and failing....
  
  What I am referring to is this post- Alana P. 07/12/07 “All kids lie.” Really? Pretty dim view of kids.
  
  I don't know that all kids lie, but those that do, and we are already doing everything we can to get the truth!
  
  Okay, what I have learned that does NOT work so far - getting mad, NOT getting mad, praising the truth, giving rewards, grounding, restriction, taking away priveleges, open and honest communication, family and friends involvement, restricting bad influences while allowing the positive ones to remain actively involved (her peers, not mine)
  
  Am I all alone in this????? Is is just in the DNA?????
  
  Kudos to all of you who live with it daily and blessings to those who have no idea what I'm talking about, I hope you never know.....Thanks for listening!

• JEN SLAGLE, WILLOW GROVE, PA 07/08/08

  My 14 year old has a problem with lying. I see some of it as a lack of trust that he has for me. Where his lies are regarding the food he is eating (he is a diabetic)- it may not be drugs and alcohol but it is life threatening. I need him to trust me, so that he will tell me what he wants to eat instead of assuming I will say no. I don't think I am ever so frustrated as when he lies.

• Dawn Lyons, TN 07/06/08

  I have never had any idea on how to deal with liars! I don't do it and don't want it around me. My natural impulse is to get away and stay away from them. Help!!! it is my 16 year old child that lies about everything and even nothing at all. How do you deal with liars???

• BABARA YOUNG, Cincinnati 07/03/08

  I myself have had problems with my 11 year old. It seems that he has begun lying about everything. I worry that it really a deeper rooted problem. So how can I tell? what are the signs?

• Amy Schrek 07/02/08

  I was heartbroken the first time I thought my teen (14) lied to me. So we sat down and talked about it—turned out what I was reading as “sneaky” behavior was just his reluctance to tell everything that was going on in his life. I think that really cured it—I don’t pry so much and he doesn’t lie so much.

• Marcus W. 07/01/08

  This is such an important topic that I would like a much longer article about it. I think there are some very deep-seated conditions under which children tell their parents lies, and it would be interesting to hear a fuller view from Dr. Wolf and other experts.

• Alana P. 07/01/08

  “All kids lie.” Really? Pretty dim view of kids.