#2 Open the Door to Discussion
Rather than lecturing your teen, try to get to the reason for the lie. And listen to your child’s opinions and feelings, even when they differ from yours. “My son broke down in tears when I confronted him about giving a party with alcohol while we were away for the weekend,” said Sean, 47. “I simply told him how upset and worried I was, and that he had both hurt and disappointed me and his mom. That was all it took, and it hasn’t happened again.” Try and get them to open up and explain why they felt the need to fib in the first place—and assure them they won’t get in trouble for telling the truth.
#3 Be a Good Role Model
If your children catch you being dishonest, they’ll be more prone to stretch the truth themselves. Don’t lie, and don’t tell your teen you stretched the truth. In order to foster trust, always keep your word and apologize if you do break a promise. Make sure your teens know that lying is unacceptable, but realize that there are times when they will lie anyway.
#4 Give Them Another Way to Be Independent
Allowing your children to make their own choices about non-crucial matters will teach them about responsibility and help them grow. Then, when it comes to more serious matters, you can take a strong stand. So, if they lie to you about grades, they have to own the outcome of it. After all, this is their issue, not yours. In the long run, they’re only hurting themselves if they can’t admit to what they’ve done.
April Berkowski 07/30/08
My daughter knows that if I trust her she will receive more priveliges and freedom. It's up to her to earn and keep my trust. There will be times when a child doesn't want to deal with the reality of consequences or wants to manipulate us into getting something they want, so they will likely be dishonest. It's important to remain very present in their lives, pay attention, ask questions and model honesty and be available for them. Work on the relationship. There are times when I know my kid is lying and to get her to admit the truth, I will let her know that she can either tell the truth and only receive a consequence for the indiscretion, or she can lie and receive two consequences...one for lying, one for the indiscretion. Use good judgement, don't make it personal and encourage them make good choices. They can choose to live honestly (and receive our trust) or to live dishonestly (and not receive trust and the freedom that goes with it). And don't be afraid to check up on them...they're your children...you are responsible for their well being! It's not about being their friend...it's about being a parent.
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