Be Prepared. Practice What You’ll Say.
Be prepared for your teen to deny using drugs. Don’t expect her to admit she has a problem. Your child will probably get angry and might try to change the subject. Maybe you’ll be confronted with questions about what you did as a kid. If you are asking, it is best to be honest, and if you can, connect your use to negative consequences. Answering deceptively can cause you to lose credibility with your kids if they ever find out that you’ve lied to them. On the other hand, if you don’t feel comfortable answering the question, you can talk about some specific people you know who have had negative things happen to them as a result of drug and alcohol use. However, if the time comes to talk about it, you can give short, honest answers like these:
“When I was a kid, I took drugs because some of my friends did. I wanted to in order to fit in. If I’d known then about the consequences and how they would affect my life, I never would have tried drugs. I’ll do everything I can to help keep you away from them.”
“I drank alcohol and smoked marijuana because I was bored and wanted to take some risks, but I soon found out that I couldn’t control the risk—the loss of trust of my parents and friends. There are much better ways of challenging yourself than doing drugs.”
Don’t Make Excuses
Although it’s natural for parents to make excuses for their child, you’re not helping her if you make excuses when she misses school or family functions when you suspect something else is at play. Go back to the first two steps: get more information, and talk to your child.
Act Now
You can begin to more closely monitor your child’s activities. Have a few conversations. Ask: Who? What? Where? When? Reflect with your child on why he is using drugs and try to understand the reasons why so that you can help solve the problem. When you get a better idea of the situation, then you can decide on the next steps to take. These could include setting new rules and consequences that are reasonable and enforceable—such as a new curfew, no cell phone or computer privileges for a period of time, or less time hanging out with friends or with certain friends. You may want to get them involved in pro-social activities that will keep them busy and help them meet new people.
As we have seen, regular conversations shrink the reality gap and help us identify trouble. It’s as simple as that.
What Teens Have to Say
Teens themselves offer valuable recommendations as to what safeguards will be most effective in keeping them out of harm’s way. And, after all, they’re the experts. Their advice is pretty straightforward.
Initiate dialogue about decision-making. Teens want to know what their parents and other significant adults think.
Set curfews. Despite what your teens might say, most kids have them.
Stay up until teens return home. Simple, but extraordinarily effective. A staggering 70% of teens say they would be less likely to drink alcohol if they knew their parents would be waiting up for them.
Limit overnights. This is a tough one, but most kids say it would significantly reduce misbehavior. When teens know they don’t need to go home, they are more likely to break the rules their parents have established for them.
Call other parents. Coordinating expectations and supervision is vitally important to maintaining a safe and healthy social atmosphere. It can also provide some moral support for parents who are constantly (and incorrectly) told that they are “the only parents” with rules.
Ask teens to check in by phone throughout the evening. Cell phones make this an easy task and can go a long way toward preventing, or addressing, problem situations.
Enforce consequences for breaking rules. Nearly three-quarters of teens say that punishment imposed by their parents is effective in convincing them not to repeat the offending behavior.