How Parents Can Help

Whether you’re dealing with a lump of grump hiding out in his room or a suddenly wild child, your son can be reached. Stick with these strategies:

• Set limits (even if he protests – loudly)

• Avoid lectures or long conversations; try ‘small doses’ of intimacy

• Understand that he’s not doing this to hurt you—try not to take it personally

• Nudge him into low-pressure group activities

• Find a mentor

• Keep enforcing family time: meals, trips, family visits (again: no matter how much he seems to hate it)

And for more serious situations, Scott P. Sells, Ph.D., author, teacher, and executive director of the Savannah Family Institute in Georgia, offers steps towards dealing with your teens when they are truly at risk:

• Deal with only one or two problems at a time

• Convert problems into concrete rules

• Have clear consequences

• Use both positive and negative consequences

• Put it in writing

• Include your teen’s experience and input in the process

• Be consistent in follow-through

 

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Seven Things Teen Boys Want to Tell Their Dads

Josh and James Weidman – a father and son team – talked to hundreds of teenagers and created a list of seven stunning messages for dads. Here’s what your sons are trying to tell you:

• Tell me you love me

• Love me with actions, not just words

• I need your friendship

• You’ve always been my hero

• I need you to listen

• Be my coach

• Help me figure out who I am

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Issue: January 2009