SOLUTIONS
#1 Don't Fix the Problem for Your Teen
Your teen misses the bus and you immediately throw on your sweats, jump in the car, and drive him to school. This is okay if you have a child who is usually prompt and this is an unusual occurrence, or there's a good reason for the delay.
But for the habitually late teen, it's not helpful to reinforce behavior by always coming to the rescue. The teen knows a missed bus doesn't matter because Mom or Dad will take care of it. Instead, don't cave in. The next time you're asked to taxi a tardy teen, calmly tell your child that you cannot drive him to school and suggest he call a cab. You'll be amazed at the reaction. One mother who lives in a rural area conceded and drove her daughter to school late, but refused to supply a note to excuse the girl's tardiness. The result, a period spent in detention - and an A student, mortified.
#2 Forget About Nagging - Set a Schedule
If you are a parent who is repeatedly telling a teen it is time for bed, give up. Get your own sleep - it's more important. You can't force a teen to go to sleep. You can ask that he or she be in his or her room by a specific time, or put a limit on how late showers are allowed. If your child is so tired she becomes ill, talk to a medical expert.
#3 Take Away Some Privileges; Offer Some Incentives
If your teen just doesn't care about missing school or being late, you need to use a bargaining chip she does care about. Try limiting phone or Internet time, since time is a large part of the problem. If the problem seems intractable, consider grounding the teen for a weekend night. Once the new behavior is somewhat consistent, keep it going with praise and possibly an incentive (like an extended curfew for the following weekend) as a reward.
#4 Announce Your Change in Policy Well in Advance
When you do take action, like refusing to drive to school or to be the human alarm clock, select a time to state your change in policy clearly to your son or daughter. Outline the consequences. This is best done when you are both calm, not when one or both is bubbling with anger or frustration. Be reasonable. If you do choose to implement consequences, make sure they are tied to the problem, and that you follow through.
Remember that by teaching your teen to be responsible, you are helping him or her become an adult. When you do too much, a teen can't figure things out on his own and will constantly crave attention and help. Sink or swim is a little too drastic, but pampering does a teen a huge disservice.
LATE TO BED, LATE TO RISE TIPS
- Tell them there's a new policy in the house on bedtime and wake time
- Give them a week or so leeway to adjust to it
- Don't immediately drive them to school when they miss the bus
- Take away other privileges, like cell phones or Internet access if they refuse or won't comply
- Offer an incentive for consistently on-time behavior.