“Please make your bed.” “Could you load the dishwasher after dinner?” “Would you help me clean up the garage?” How many times have we pleaded with our teenagers to do a chore and then found later that it never got done, or it was handled so poorly we have to finish the job? Surveys indicate that barely 20% of parents are happy with the amount of housework done by their teenagers.
Kate Kelly, author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Parenting a Teenager and Organize Yourself, says a lot of teens tune out their parents’ demands, or they simply refuse to learn the task. According to Kelly, and other experts, there are two kinds of chores: self-care, or taking care of one’s own things—such as tidying up one’s bedroom and bathroom—and family-care, such as taking out the garbage or cleaning up after dinner. But no matter what the chore is, many teens see them all as repugnant.
Solutions
#1 Explain the Job
Once you give your teen a new chore, assume he or she does not know how to complete it. Says Kelly, “When my daughter was a teenager, we left her alone for a couple of days, and it turned out she had no idea how to run the garbage disposal. What a mess!” If you demonstrate the right way to do a chore, such as making a bed—for example, showing where clean linens are kept, how to tuck in sheets and put a pillow into its case—it will probably get done more or less the way you’d like.
#2 Use the Team Approach
Being a family is a cooperative effort. “We do so much for our kids,” says Kelly, “from driving them everywhere to helping with homework. Tackling a chore such as sweeping the deck and cleaning up the backyard helps teens understand that they can give back. “Teaching shared chores is a real kindness you can do for your child,” Kelly says. Assign tasks for each family member, always remembering to say thanks and praise your teen for a job well done. Kelly adds, “Parents need to remind themselves to be grateful and appreciative of their children’s efforts.”
Lilith Durham, Jonesborough, TN 07/20/08
Alicia & Jossie, I had the same problem until I realized that when I gave a command and folded my arms (so the culprit realized I wasn't going to go away anytime soon), the job actually got done! It takes just as much time to stand and supervise as it does to do it yourself, but it serves three other purposes as well: the job gets done to your satisfaction, the 'culprit' learns the correct way to do the job thereby eliminating the tired excuse "I don't know how!", and you can provide positive feedback and encouragement as the job is getting done. Less energy for you, your child/husband learns more responsibility, and when Mama's happy, everybody's happy. :)
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