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You're Getting Divorced...But Not From Your Teen

You_re_Getting_Divorced_photo

by Claire Berman

Getting Professional Help

Mediation

  • Mediation helps parents to resolve conflict by helping each hear the other out during and after the divorce.
  • Any issues not resolved by mediation can be decided by the courts or negotiated by attorneys.
  • Mediators who specialize in matters of divorce and separation can be recommended by your lawyer, the courts, state mediation associations, or located on the Web at http://www.mediate.com.

Counseling and Therapy

  • Seek counseling as a preventive measure to make a bad situation as good as possible through advice and planning.
  • Turn to therapy as a remedial measure if your teen is depressed, anxious, angry, or not functioning well in school or with friends.
  • You can find a specialty divorce therapist through your school guidance counselor, your lawyer, or the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.

 

Recognize Your Teen's Reaction to Divorce

If Your Teen Is Depressed:

  • Acknowledge pain, stomachaches or headaches, as real.
  • Expect dramatic mood swings.
  • Recruit a relative or friend who can spend time with your teen.
  • If needed, get professional help.

If Your Teen Is Angry and Acting Out:

  • Be tolerant of changes in dress, hairstyle, body decoration.
  • Accept some disrespectful behavior. Pick your battles carefully.
  • Stay in touch with school officials about truancy and/or performance.

If Your Teen Seems to be Separating From the Family:

  • Ask her to help out and take care of a younger sibling.
  • Offer to give him alone time if he will agree to family time too.
  • Make sure each parent spends some time with their child doing something the teen enjoys.

Readers' Comments

Barb Lorge 01/07/08

Going through a bad divorce now, and this article gave me a lot to think about. It’s easy to get into your own head, not in your kids’. They need time too.

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