She says she gets really impressed when she sees you setting aside your own needs for her—like when she knows how important cleanliness and order are to you and yet you don’t take her disorganization and messiness personally.
He says he can’t believe how you kept from going crazy on him when he dented up your car.
Her eyes filled with tears of admiration when you apologized for yelling at her for denting up the car.
He silently cried when you told him how sad and scared you were the night he came home drunk.
She was stunned by your courage when you told her you got pregnant at 17.
He gets awed by how hard you work to provide for him without ever complaining.
She is mystified by how you handled that abusive racial slur without losing your dignity.
He wants to know how you do that thing where you seem so strong, yet you never raise a hand in anger.
She is so envious of the skills you have to keep your husband feeling special after all these years.
He is curious to know about how you seem to treasure your wife after all these years.
She wants to learn how to love a husband, raise children, have a career, and still be such a powerful and distinct individual, like her mom.
He sees how you teach by living your life, and not by lecturing.
She loves that you don’t ever say, “I told you so.”
He is inspired by how you never take cheap verbal shots at him, even when he deserves it and it would be so easy.
She says that you’re, you know, like, really a grownup.
He says that you’re, you know, like, really a grownup.
She says that she loves you for all those times you don’t tell her what to do.
He can’t say enough about how you let him make lots of decisions that he knows you wanted to control, but you didn’t because you wanted him to grow up.
She says she listens to you about drugs and drinking because you do neither.
They both respect you the most for staying calm when they go nuts. They shake their heads at your self-control, as if you were some Zen master. They sometimes ask me, “How do my parents do that?” I love hearing that question from your kid. I know it means I won’t be seeing very much of him.
yvonne allsopp, Mount Vernon, NY 02/16/08
This article is so needed; I often feel like I am not "doing it right" then I read these articles and realize there are no perfect parents and so many of us are dealing with similar situations. Thank you for your straightforwardness
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