DEALING WITH TEEN-TO-PARENT ALLERGIES
While most teens will act "allergic" to their parents during their quest for autonomy, girls tend to fight and boys to physically separate. Teen boys are so consumed with their new feelings of sexuality that they will often suppress their affection with their father. It's one of the reasons conversations about sports remain the one connecting factor between father and teen son.
Alternatively, teen girls may pick fights to disengage from their "Daddy's little girl" image. Put off by their daughter's belligerent behavior, fathers may pull away, leaving both parties very confused. "She'll say it's the last thing she wants, but not having an involved dad can leave girls panicky and depressed," says Sachs.
When it comes to back talk, try not to take the nasty language personally and don't jump on your kids for being disrespectful. "The worst thing [you] can do is act hurt," says Wolf. Bob Divencenzo, of Shaker Heights, Ohio, and the father of two teenagers, has learned not to rise to the bait when his 17-year-old son mouths off to him. "If he had said that at 14, I would have punished him." Now, instead, he takes a breath and asks his son why he has to make a big deal out of something they can just discuss like adults.
GIVE THEM SPACE... BUT HOLD THEM CLOSE
Confrontations are going to happen, but it's important to take a step back, literally. Boys will feel physically harassed by a father who stands too close; girls will feel sexually intimidated. Wolf warns fathers not to touch their teen children during an argument. "A teenager cannot handle such a major violation of personal body space."
That said, it is also crucial to find time to hug your teen. "They make mistakes and then I hug the heck out of them," says Brian Ehle, of South Natick, Massachusetts, who has two teen boys. "[Teens] may act like they hate hugs, but they actually love them," says Wolf.
In a few years, when your teens are out of the house, you may be amazed to hear your now-independent sons and daughters recount the old battles as though they were some of the best parts of growing up. All you have to do is turn the page every day. Because luckily, fathering is a book that has no end.