Tame the Fury: What to do with Teen Anger Podcast

It could be a fight with a friend, having to do chores, or your asking what you thought was a simple question – it seems during the teen years, anything can spark a fuse.

“During adolescence, not only are teens experiencing hormonal changes that affect their day-to-day mood, they’re also seeking more independence and testing the waters to find out what their boundaries and limits are,” says Cynthia Langtiw, Psy.D., associate professor of clinical psychology at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology and supervising psychologist at Mount Sinai’s Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health Clinic. Add to that changing dynamics in relationships with friends and family, stresses of school, extracurricular activities, part-time jobs, and the pressure to make huge life decisions, and it’s normal for teens to feel overwhelmed and angry.

Still, the stomping, slammed doors, “I hate you” explosions, seething silence – it’s enough to drive even the most patient parent insane.

Here are tips to help your teen (and yourself!) deal with the anger.

Solutions

#1 Listen. Next time your teen rants about her “stupid” friends or her “stupid” homework, resist tuning her out or telling her it’s not serious. “In my practice, the thing I see teens get most angry about is feeling unheard,” Langtiw says.

Heather A., 17, says it’s frustrating and discouraging when parents say “get over it” or don’t listen. “If a teen can’t talk to the person who brought them into the world and loves them unconditionally, [then who can they talk to]?” she asks. So, if your teen is fuming (and willing to talk), lend an ear. Sometimes, just being able to vent is enough to douse the fire.

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Issue: December 2008