5) Who are your friends and colleagues?
It is a good sign if someone loyally maintains friendships over many years. Look at the people surrounding a potential new friend or colleague. Would you want to associate with them?
Watch out for people who rely upon control, rather than up-front, principled, mutual interest. A loyal friend will keep your interests in mind and suggest win-win compromises, when your interests diverge.
Listen circumspectly to what people communicate, spoken and unspoken, as if you had a third ear connected to your heart.
Loyal Friends find a moment when your heart & mind are open to convey hard truths - to help you.
Flatterers can't wait to tell you what you want to hear - to help themselves a little.
Frauds stage a moment to knock you off-balance - to leverage your resources for their great benefit.
Look at how people manage expectations. Do they know what they want and is it just? Do they say anything to get their way? Or do they under promise and over deliver? Do they set reasonable boundaries or are their boundaries fluid?
When you work on teams, be on guard for conflicts of interest popping up around you, especially these signs: ambiguous responsibilities, withholding of best efforts, partial disclosures, and conflicting loyalties.
Nurture your friendships, but listen to your inner voice. Once in a while, if you schedule an event that later seems forced, postpone it with confidence. People who you would want as friends will understand. A similar event may be just around the corner - and even more fun.
6) Do you consistently follow these guidelines?
Watch how people respond after hard-won success or bitter failure. Some people's worst mistakes occur soon after hard-won success. Others are quitters, who take themselves out of the game after failures.
Limit your time in the company of non-optimistic people. When possible, avoid working for non-optimistic people. While you may rationalize the money that you earn, you may be exposing your soul to their emotional kryptonite and risk losing what makes you super.
In business, venture capitalists invest to accelerate success, but usually not to make the difference between success and failure. Similarly, be open to the possibility of growth in people, but be humble about your ability to change them. Anybody can say that they have changed. Believe it only after you understand the struggle that caused change and after you see deeds that demonstrate it.
No one succeeds all the time. 100% is an "A" in school. But in the real world of risk & reward, 80% to 90% is an "A." But if you are under-challenged and miss a chance to learn from mistakes, 100% might be a "B."
The keys to success are to prioritize according to your passions & values, manage your time & health, learn from mistakes, delegate unambiguously, adapt continuously, forgive quickly (yourself & others), apologize bravely, and fight persistently. Success in major goals, like earning a degree, running a business, recovering from severe illness, or nurturing love at times requires the visible commitment of your total strength & restraint from pursuing conflicting goals.
* * *
Thanks for listening and tolerating your old man. At least a few times in your life, you will fall into trouble. In fact, I hesitated to write this letter, out of concern that you might be reluctant to seek my help, if you did not follow my advice. Don't worry. I am still working towards these ideals myself. Count on my best efforts to help you, just as many people help me. I am your friend, as well as your father. If any of the lessons don't make sense, it could be that I am wrong. Or read them again in a few years ;-) * * * © 2008, Rod Zimmerman. To read the original article with references, go to http://knol.google.com/k/rod-zimmerman/six-life-lessons-from-your-dad/3cm12340o2gea/2#.
Be careful in applying these life lessons not to dismiss people. An early mentor told me that he silently asks these questions as he meets new people: Would I trust this person with managing a $1,000 project? a $10,000 project? a $100,000 project? Be open to many role players in your life, but remember your few, true, lifelong friends.
Everyone deserves respect and compassion as a human being. But raise the bar for the bigger projects in your career and the most important relationships of your life. Don't worry that you will be lonely in your selectivity. Follow these Life Lessons yourself, while being active in the world, and like-minded people will find you.
Reproduced by permission.