- Explain the Importance of Visiting a Sick Grandparent
Let your teens know what this visit means to you and to the grandparent. "It's OK to say, ‘I really need you to be on your best behavior,'" says Riera. "Be direct and explain that ‘even though grandpa isn't able to communicate or understand, he loves you, and it means a lot to me.'" Remember, a short trip may make the next one seem less of a chore. - Grandparents Should Get Online
Grandparents can strengthen their bond by sending photos and emailing about their friends and hobbies. "If the grandparents know a grandkid likes surfing, they can send them links to cool Web sites," says Riera. Even if they live down the block, texting and emails can go a long way to cementing a friendship. - If Grandparents Are Intrusive, Take Them Aside
If grandparents are behaving badly-meddling, too permissive, or too critical-it's best for you to deal with them when your teens aren't around. Try to enlist the grandparent in "helping" to boost your child's self-confidence. You might say, "I was hoping you could ask to read one of Susan's essays. Her English grades are so good, and while trigonometry is still a struggle for her, we know how much she enjoys sharing her short stories with you."
As with all behavior, if you find visiting your parents or in-laws a chore yourself, be careful about how you act in front of your children. Relationships between grandparents and grandkids are inherently less judgmental than a parent/child relationship, and "parents need to get out of the way of the relationship," says Riera. "If a kid gets a C in math, it becomes topic of the day with parents. But a grandparent will say, ‘I had trouble with math when I was your age. Don't worry about it.'"
Bron P. 08/19/07
My father died a year ago and was sick for most of my kids’ life. My mother is now in a facility because she has Alzheimers. And though my wife’s parents are in better shape, they are old and it’s hard for them to relate to anything my three kids (11, 14 and 17) are doing. I just want to spare them because our visits are generally unpleasant, filled with awkward silence. I feel guilty that we don’t visit enough but then I feel guilty that my kids don’t have grandparents who can really be there for them.
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