Sexual Responsibility Is a Family Matter
But this issue isn’t just about teen mothers making choices; the role of the boys in teen pregnancy is often belittled or ignored. According to Casparian, “We do not help young men deal with their feelings of helplessness, anger, fear, sadness, confusion about discovering that their partner is pregnant, that they are going to be a father, or that a pregnancy they helped start is being terminated.” Boys are rarely made to feel equally responsible for preventing a pregnancy.
But there’s really no way to start piecing out what portion of responsibility goes to the boy or girl before we take a step back. To parents.
Parents need to make the leap from “I don’t want my kids to have sex in high school” (or “until marriage”) to “I want to be sure my kids are not going to get pregnant—or contract an STD—if they are having sex.”
Try starting off by accepting the fact that your teens (or tweens) may already be in a sexual relationship. After you’ve crossed that hurdle, ask your kids the question, “In a relationship, who is responsible for protection?” This presents parents with an opportunity to talk about healthy relationships and healthy choices. In a perfect world, two partners share the responsibility of protection; however, oftentimes the burden of being protected falls upon girls’ shoulders, as they are the ones who risk getting pregnant. Granted, this is hardly a fair portrayal of relationships, but teens frequently buy into these unequal representations because they are not taught how to challenge them. This is where parents can step in and change how teenagers look at responsibility.
Parents Need to Get Involved
There has never been a better time to start talking to your children and teenagers about how they should manage sexual relationships, now or in the future. According to a nationally representative study conducted by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy in 2006, 47% of adolescents say that parents are the primary influencers of their decisions about sex. There is no doubt that a close relationship with your teen contributes to a delay in sexual initiation and a lack of engagement in risky behaviors.
It has also been found that when parents talk to their teenagers about the importance of condoms, teens are 20 times more likely to use condoms regularly and three times more likely to use one the first time that they have intercourse. That “first time experience” with condoms builds the foundation for future regular condom usage. Your younger children and tweens need to know about condoms too.
If it’s too difficult for you to keep condoms around the house, how about directing your teens of both sexes to Planned Parenthood, where they can get contraceptive information and girls can get gynecological exams without parental consent in many states. What about taking your daughter for a gyn visit at an early-enough age, i.e., before she is sexually active, so that discussion of contraception becomes meaningful?
Kelly Forster, kenosha, WI 10/11/08
Kelly, Kenosha, WI 10/11/08
My 13 year old daughter just informed us that she has had sex with a boy from her school who is also 13! She snuck him into our home while we were asleep. They had unprotected sex. This is ripping our family apart. I took her to the doctor for a preg. test but the nurse said it was really inconclusive becasue it's too soon so we have to wait a couple weeks and hopefully she will get her period. She also has to be examined/tested for STD's as the young man has had sex before. Her father and I have spoken to her about sex many times as well as her counselor so she knew what the concequences could be. She also says she may do it again with him! So now we have to put her on birth control, at 13!!
She says if she is pregnant she would concider keeping the baby... I am not willing to raise another child! We do have a 26 year old single daughter who may be willing to raise it. Has anyone ever been in this situation? Would that be a good idea? Also do I let her walk around 8th grade pregnant? Should I pull her out and homeschool her? I have family in another state she could go live with until she has the baby. Her reputation is shot already as her entire school knows about it.
What's really sasd is that all the girls and boys talk about having sex. I have read it on her myspace page. I don't think most of the parents have a clue. This boys mother had no idea he was sexually active.
I would love for my daughter to spend a day with another teen mother who is trying to raise her child to see how difficult it is but I don not know how to arrange that either. Any adive would be appreciated!!
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