Question:
My daughter (16) is always trying to press my buttons - staying out beyond curfew, playing her music really loud when we are trying to go to sleep at night. Any ideas on how I can not get mad but just get some cooperation?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Dr. Anthony E. Wolf answers the question, “Why am I always the bad guy?” Dr. Wolf is the author of "'Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?' A Parents Guide to the New Teenager". He answers:
Usually when teenagers behave in ways that we do not like it is not done intentionally to get to us. Usually it is because they are doing what they want to do and can be very inconsiderate. Always the best strategy is to confront her every time, and let her know that what she is doing is unacceptable, but not getting into a lengthy argument. What immediately starts to work against you is if you get into lecturing her about how inconsiderate she is, getting her to understand how what she is doing is wrong. All that ever accomplishes is her then blaming you for being mean instead of looking at her own behavior. You’re confronting her every time but not arguing will have an effect. She will play the music less loudly – some of the time. She will do better about her curfew – some of the time. But the fact is that parent control of willful teenagers is usually imperfect, but control is there, and it would be too bad if you gave up because you felt you were having no effect. You do.