Question:
My son is 14 and is smoking. I have known for awhile, and I have asked him and he has lied to me. Denying it. I told him I knew and that I don't approve. He told he get them from friends. I do not smoke nor my husband. So I know he gets them somewhere. Last night he was smoking in the bathroom and lied about. We rent and there is no smoking in the house. We have told him never is he to smoke in the house or bring into the house. I don't know what to do. He goes down to a park everyday and I know he does it there, or even is getting them there. I just need help. Please....Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Stephen Wallace, fields questions about drugs and alcohol. Stephen Wallace is the Chairman & Chief Executive Officer of SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions), and has served as school psychologist, camp director, and college professor. You can read more about him on SADD's site. Stephen answers:
Obviously, smoking presents some real health risks for your son. According to SADD, adolescents who smoke are exposing themselves to 200 known poisons that can affect normal development. Smoking can also lead to life-threatening diseases, such as chronic bronchitis, heart disease, and stroke. Also, as you might guess, smoking is the most common cause of lung cancer. Perhaps less well known, smoking is also the leading cause of cancer of the mouth, throat, bladder, pancreas, and kidneys. Smoking tobacco causes shortness of breath and dizziness and causes poor circulation, which can lead to serious conditions such as blood clots and/or strokes. More than 400,000 Americans die from tobacco-related causes each year and most of them began using tobacco before the age of 18.
As for the lying, that too is problematic. While many kids (and adults) lie to avoid unpleasant consequences, such as being punished or disappointing loved ones, dishonesty undermines healthy relationships by eroding trust. Unfortunately, many kids fail to make the connection. Consider for example that according to SADD's Teens Today research, among high school teens almost all (89 percent) say it’s important that they have their parent’s trust. Yet significantly less than half (40 percent) say they tell them the whole truth.
You will do well by talking with your son not only about the dangers of smoking, but also the dangers of dishonesty. My guess is that he wants you to be honest with him and thus you can make the connection to reciprocity in relationships. Try not to lecture or be judgmental, just factual. Also, let him know that no matter what, your door is always open to talk ... and, just as important, listen.
Finally, offer him some strategies, like those below, to help him quit smoking:
Commit to quit.
Pick the date and stick to it.
Keep a smoking journal - write down the triggers that make you want a cigarette.
Get support. Let family and friends help you through this tough time.
Find a quit-smoking buddy. It helps to have someone who is going through the same experiences and understands what you are feeling.
Replace aspects of your smoking behavior with healthy alternatives. Chew gum, eat carrots, or take a five-minute walk.