Parenting Teens Online

Answer:

ParentingTeensOnline expert Elizabeth M. Casparian, Ph.D. is Director of Educational Programs at HiTOPS in Princeton, NJ, where she and her staff provide educational programs to teens and parents throughout New Jersey. Dr. Casparian has spent the last twenty years as an educational consultant providing assistance in the development of sexual health education curricula, videos, lectures, workshops and presentations on all aspects of sexual health, parenting and adolescent development. She answers:

Thanks for your good question. It is very, very common for people to feel attraction towards people of their own gender. Most people, at some time in their life will fantasize or be turned on by the thought of being intimate, close or sexual with someone of their own sex. Having these thoughts and feelings may or may not mean that your sexual orientation is lesbian, gay or bisexual. Sexual orientation becomes clear to some people over time, while others seem to know from a very young age that they are attracted to one gender or the other (or both). The best thing you can do for yourself is to feel the feelings that you have and do your best not to try put labels on them until you feel more clear about the strength of the feelings and what they are telling you about yourself. Sexual orientation is not a choice, it is simply part of who each person is and it cannot be changed. If you want, you can seek out some resources that will help you understand the coming out process (both to yourself and to others) and support – not because there is anything wrong with being gay or lesbian, but because our culture has so many varied values and beliefs about sexual orientation, that it helps to connect with others who have questioned or are questioning their sexual orientation. There are resources listed below that might help. As well, if you are a teenager in high school, your school might have a Gay-Straight Alliance where you may meet others who are interested in exploring questions about sexual orientation and/or who can offer friendship and connection with allies and glbtq youth. If you are an adult, you might also be interested in exploring the resources listed because they can be of help to you as well. You may also discover that you are not gay or lesbian, but that you are sometimes attracted to people of your own sex, but have no desire to act on those feelings, which is also normal and okay. No matter what, the sexual feelings you described are healthy and normal. Hope this helps answer our question. You might want to check out GLSEN National, PFLAG and for teens, SexETC.