Question:
My 14 almost 15 year old daughter says she has fallen in love with a 21year old after only knowing him two weeks. He isn't even a US citizen and doesn't speak much English. My husband has banned her from any contact with him, has shut off her internet access and banned her from IM-ing any of her other friends for a month and is making her change all her e-mail accounts. Will not let her get her driver's permit, when she turns 15 in 23 days, and threatened to send her to a monastery. I don't know how to get through to her that this is the right thing that she is to young and that this could seriously cause problems for him. That her father and I don't approve, however I think her father maybe going to far on some of the punishments.Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Thomas G. Suk, M.A., L.M.F.T., L.C.P.C., is a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed clinical professional counselor in Deerfield, IL. The father of four grown children, his goal is to help couples and families find their way and find each other once again. He answers:
There is no room for a 21 year old male to pursue a 14 year old female. This appears to be predatory behavior, especially as it seems the contact was made online. Measures of protection are in order but so is the voice of love. This would be a great time for some extra Dad and daughter time. Whatever measures he feels should be taken must be balanced with attention, explanations and understanding. The daughter in this case is not the guilty party; she is young and in need of parental attention, care and support as well as whatever measure of protection is warranted. Let her fuss through her disagreement with her parents, but as she does, also listen to her, take a walk, go out to dinner. It might be useful for Dad and daughter to acknowledge that things having been tough lately. It seems from the question that Mom and Dad have stayed fairly united and this is important to maintain. As things cool off, your daughter can have privileges reinstated gradually, and when they are, be sure to maintain close tabs on her online activity.