Question:
My 17 year old is under court order to attend school and to obey rules at home. She is a good girl but ever since she started dating this boy she never listens to us anymore. She stays at his house and won't come home, she already had a miscarriage by him. She swears and tries to fight me when I tell her she can't go over his house. Now school is back in session and I can't get her to go . I will be the one to get in trouble by the court because I am her mother but she doesn't seem to care. She just recently totaled her Jeep Cherokee and she acts like she has done nothing wrong. Now I'm responsible to get her to school and it's a fight every time. I just want to give up, my husband doesn't know how to handle her either. I don't want the courts to take her away because I love her so much. Do you have ANY advice?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Dr. Michael Schwartzman is a family therapist in New York City and the co-author of "The Anxious Parent". He answers:
Loving her and wanting a good life for your daughter are not enough to get her to do right for herself. For a host of reasons she seems to have lost her abilities to reason through problems and make good judgments. She is out of control. It is not unusual for teenagers her age to break rules and be disobedient, but when a person defies a court order, gets herself pregnant and destroys a jeep it is imperative that you consider the danger she is being to herself. In cooperation with the court, and with her school, you would be wise to have her seen by a professional. If she cannot abide sound, objective advice, you may very well have to give up on your wish to keep her out of the court system in order to insure her safety. Better she have the structure, supervision and support her demandingness requires, than lose her option to have a future. Reinforce your parenting efforts by drawing on the strength and wisdom of your community.