Question:
I am 33 year old single mom of 2 children ages 12 & 4. I started to date someone after being single for the last 5 yrs. My son loves my boyfriend. My daughter has rebelled. She is disrespectful and ignores me and my boyfriend. My daughter and boyfriend have had several bouts and it caused him to move out of state and put our wedding date on hold. My daughter refuses to talk about why she doesn't like him. How do I get her to open up so that I can get my happy family back and for it to include my fiance? Neva from TexasAnswer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Elizabeth M. Casparian, Ph.D . is Director of Educational Programs at HiTOPS in Princeton, NJ, where she and her staff provide educational programs to teens and parents throughout New Jersey. She answers:
Hi Neva,
Blending a new family together is rarely an easy thing. Some children find it much more difficult than others to see their parent with a new partner, and there can be so many things going on that all the issues really need to get sorted out before a new and happy family can emerge. My best advice to you is to find some outside help for your daughter and your family. Your daughter has fears, anxieties and anger that she needs to identify and deal with. For those things she would benefit from one-on-one counseling. Once your daughter is feeling safe, secure and comfortable, chances are she will be able to accept a new person in her life and in yours. When she has had some time to work through her own concerns, then the whole family will likely need to get some family therapy to facilitate re-creating itself.
This is all possible, but it takes time, patience and hard work on everyone's part, including your fiance's. Building trust and security for children is critical, so work towards that first and foremost.
Best of luck.