Question:
hi, my 12 year old daughter sometimes has trouble with panic attacks. she worries a lot about all kinds of stuff (example: death of parents). How can I easy her mind and explain to her not to worry about things she can't control? How do I handle this?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Dr. Michael Schwartzman is a family therapist in New York City and the co-author of "The Anxious Parent". He answers:
One of the difficulties all children have is that as they learn more about how life goes, especially when it goes well, is that difficult things happen to everyone no matter what. As parents it is important to follow their developing awareness and support them with talks and relevant experiences that are responsive to their cares and concerns. Watching a movie, reading a newspaper article, or hearing about friends are often the bearers of these new experiences from which awareness will dawn and can develop. Panic usually means a quiet buildup has sprung to full awareness. Your child is simply showing you her lack of preparedness. Explain this to her as you ask her to explain to you what she is thinking about. Help her feel good about talking and simply listen. Follow along and then reflect back your understanding of what she is saying. Remember, don't say,"Don't worry about that." because she is. Instead say, "Tell me more," and then show her the other possible outcomes that in her anxiety she is not considering. Show her how human she is by sharing some of your awareness and when talking about fear, keep it mild. It is just good to talk. Usually when the anxiety is lessened thru the sharing process, life events don't seem so dire. She should be able to balance better and get back to the more natural outlook for her age which has to do with happier themes. Fortunately she has you to support her as you dose out some meaningful lessons about natural occurrences in life.