Question:
My 13 year old will agree, when discussing her chores, to do anything. We have tried rewards, removing privileges, and stern talks. I don't believe in corporal punishment. Still, the chores (like room cleaning, taking dishes to the table, not eating in her room, etc.) go undone. I'm her mother, not her maid, and I feel very disrespected (yes, I've told her this... she cries, and apologizes, but still her behavior doesn't change). What am I doing wrong?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Dr. Anthony E. Wolf, author of "'Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?' A Parents Guide to the New Teenager", answers:
Some teenagers when you ask them to do standard and reasonable household chores will do them. Some do not. Most, and it sounds like this is the case with your daughter, do agree in their hearts that they should do what is being asked of them. Most of them are not bad people. It is just that at any given moment they very much do not feel like doing what they should. And far more often than not these same kids grow into normal hard working adults who don’t understand why their children won’t do even the simplest chores. What all of this means is that if you want your daughter to comply, lectures, punishments etc. are going to be of little useful effect. If you want her to comply you have to make a request and then be right there waiting for her to comply, not nagging her, but not leaving her side until she does what you ask. Children hate this, but they will - with fussing - almost always end up doing what you ask. Obviously this technique requires your time and energy which means that you do have to pick and choose what are those tasks that you care the most about, which are maybe less important.