Question:
I have sheltered my son now he's 15 and having a hard time fitting in what can I do?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Dr. Michael Schwartzman is a family therapist in New York City and the co-author of "The Anxious Parent". He answers:Sheltering a child is a common occurrence. All parents do it in some way for certain specific developmental activities they are especially concerned for when it comes to their child. It is important to be clear with yourself on what you are sheltering your child from and why. If it has to do with you and something you get very anxious about when you see your child going thru their developmental experiences it is important that you sort out what this anxiety is all about. Maybe it is replicating something that was difficult for you when you were around 15. Maybe it is hard to offer guidance because you are yet to be clear about it. With your spouse, or a friend, try to get clear on what this might be, and then try on their experiences as a way to get clearer about yours. With this new and added perspective you might be able to "un-shelter" your child by providing both added experiences as well as added advice. On the other hand, your shelter may be an outcome of some useful empathy you are feeling towards him. You may be sensing a problem he is having and don't know how to help. With your spouse and / or your friend this may also become clearer. If you find he is having difficulty, break down what is going on and try to get into some constructive conversations with him where you talk about his difficulties getting along and fitting in. Maybe talk with his guidance counselor and see what they know about from school and what they might provide. Whatever the case. Remember, you and your son have time. Don't hurry. Figure out the impediments to growth and plot a new line for experiences.