Question:
when my teen daughter did not return from her father's house, I called to ask if she was staying the night. She claimed she had already told me she was to stay over, and she had not. Apply this scenario to hundreds of other situations where the teen lies to you to cove him or herself---there is no way to prove who is right, except through a battle of wills, which I can not accept -- or handle. I have begun texting her :when will you be home?
that way I have her response it in writing.
But there is still trouble...
Any suggestions?
NH parent
Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Donna Secor Pennington, LMSW, has been a school social worker at the high school level for twenty years and has been an advocate for programs and services for teens and parents. She answers:
Endless arguing is a technique that many teens will engage in to attempt to avoid being held accountable for their behavior. As the parent, you have the right to establish rules for your daughter’s behavior and you also have the right to determine when those rules have been broken. Dr. Russell Barkley, a University of Massachusetts psychologist, advises parents to “Act, Don’t Yak” when enforcing the rules. Be sure that you have developed a clear and consistent set of consequences, such as the loss of a privilege for a day or two, or a week at most. Appropriate behavior can be recognized with a small positive incentive, such as an extra privilege.
When your daughter attempts to engage you in an argument, you can use a strategy developed by parenting expert Jim fay, called the “broken record.” Arm yourself with a phrase such as “I’m sorry that you feel that way” or “I love you too much to argue with you” that you can repeat over and over as she attempts to start an argument. This should help you to remain calm as you quietly, but firmly, end the debate and follow through with the consequences.