Question:
Hi, I have a soon to be 12 year old with ADHD who likes to go on the computer to find the latest card trick or joke or whatever will get his attention. Recently he's had a thing for u-tube. He came into the bedroom with a belt around his neck and thought it was funny!!!!! I wasn't home and my husband was attending to our 2 year old and almost fell over. When I got home we took the computer and any other electronic out of his room. If he wants to use the computer now it's in the kitchen with a password on it. I feel like a witch. I can't trust him with anything. What is the fascination with all the electronics these days. I never had a cellphone until I was in college and I never had a computer until I was married. But Ipod, Iphone, it's never ending........The kids today don't even want to work for it....To make a long story short I'm trying to find a psy to help been to 6,7, or 8 already nobody gives any answers. Maybe I need to find someone for me before I lose my mind.
Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Kelly Mendoza, is a doctoral student at Temple University who has researched parental management of media in the home, provided educational outreach to parent and tweens about media literacy, and developed parent and teacher curriculum. She works in the Media Education Lab at Temple. She answers:
You have summed up the feelings of overwhelm and frustration a lot of parents feel dealing with media technology, especially with your child with ADHD. Kids are growing up in a media-saturated culture where using media technology is as natural as breathing air. Many parents today, who did not grow up with these new media technologies and who may not be familiar with how to use them, express this generation gap. First of all, do not feel like a “witch” because you have put the computer in the kitchen with a password. Limiting media use is common practice by many parents, and most media literacy advocates recommend it. Putting the computer in a social space (rather than your child’s bedroom) allows you not only to monitor more easily what they are doing, but it also allows you to start conversations more easily about the content they are consuming, and to ask questions about it. A computer in a child’s bedroom, or in a private space in the home allows children to get into inappropriate content more easily, and it is much more difficult for parents to keep track of what’s going on. Many parents also use Internet filtering software as a helper to deal with inappropriate content.
However, if your child is showing “copycat” behavior from what he has seen online, on TV, or in movies, this is cause concern for his safety. After immediately making him safe (taking belt off of neck), ask questions about where he has seen the behavior (maybe he can even show you the video), and then have a conversation about the difference between what we see online (or on TV, in movies, etc.) and how we behave in real life. You might even talk about why people put up shocking or unsafe videos—to get YouTube ratings and comments, just as TV shows use the shock factor to get higher ratings and more viewers. Also, sharing your values about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior is influential to your child.
If your child is drawn to the computer, one way to make his time more productive is to limit “entertainment” or “free time” online, and require that the other time be “creative” or “production” time. There are many sites that allow children to make comics online, share writing and poetry, remix music, remix video, or even make their own movies (with a positive message). Requiring “creative time” helps your child move from being a media consumer to being a creator and author. With your guidance, he will learn to take ownership of his creations.
In sum, the amount and kinds of information kids can access is overwhelming. Combine using media restriction and limitation with conversation, questions, and creative time.