Question:
What do you do with an 18 year old who stays in their room, goes to work and sleeps. He already graduated also.Frustrated
Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Trisha Snidersich, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in work with children and adolescents. She provides individual and family therapy in addition to facilitating parenting skills groups. She answers:
Late adolescence can be a complex time. The independence and responsibility that an 18 year old has often spent the last several years of their life fighting for can feel overwhelming as it becomes more a part of their ever nearing adulthood. You may notice a change in behavior or attitude in your aging teen, but this does not mean the cloudiness of adolescence has lifted. Rather, the difficulties have evolved to match this next phase of life. During this time, both the parent and child are in the process of finding coping techniques to deal with these new types of struggles.
If your 18 year old is still high functioning enough to hold a job and complete daily tasks, he may just be coming in to his own life routine and dealing with age appropriate struggles. If you have additional expectations, you could communicate them to him and openly explore his perspective. It is vital to closely consider if what you want from him is what he wants for himself. Also, think about what is behind your expectations and whether or not they are realistic. Try to figure out which of his needs you want better fulfilled and then see if what you want him to be doing is the best means to that end. If not, perhaps there is something else he could do to improve his quality of life in a way that would complement his lifestyle and be practical enough to be carried out.
If you have concerns for his mental health due to symptoms he may be presenting, such as if he seems to be depressed or if he has lost interest in friends or social activities that he once enjoyed, you could gently suggest that he seeks professional help. If he is not willing to try therapy on his own, trying to force him may backfire. Making yourself available for him and letting him know that you are consistently there to offer support can be valuable.
Keep in mind that sometimes, when parenting an adolescent at this stage, a helpful skill can be found in being able to let go a bit. It can be very empowering for a child to be trusted by their parent to be allowed space enough to make their own choices in their own time. Use your judgment with your son- you can try to help motivate him, but do it in a gentle and understanding way. Take into account that as he enters adulthood, his increased ability to make life decisions can help to build his self-confidence. He will, of course, still need your love and support, so be there for him and try to understand his own unique journey as he himself is figuring out his path.