Question:
What is the best way to help my son deal with the "cut throat " competition of high school football? He missed the first game week so when positions were decided, he was not there due to a severe migraine headache x 7 days. Now, he is on the sideline waiting for the occassional opportunity to prove himself (7 plays at his first game) I thought 7 plays was pretty good considering he is a freshman who missed a whole week of practice and alot of players ended up with absolutely no play time. He is a good player and is frustrated by this. He also gets very frustrated with his friends "being cocky" about the positions they have. He is pushing himself very hard with everything in general. He is a freshman taking AP classes, practicing everyday for football and taking 2 online classes. All of this is his decision, I do not push him hard at all. He told me yesterday that he wants to graduate in the top10 in his class in 2012. I am glad he is driven but I don't want him to stress himself out or set himself up to be disappointed. He has mentioned quitting football. Should I allow that or encourage him to stick it out and see what happens? There are 4 games left.Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Mark Fuerst , fields questions about sports and competition. Mark is a health and medical writer based in Brooklyn, NY. You can read more about him at MySteps, his blog. He responds:
High school can be a stressful time for many students when classes get harder, there’s more responsibility, as well as the need to fit in with peers. Trying to excel on the football team adds to the strain your son is placing on himself.
If the migraines have subsided and he’s medically cleared to play football, then suggest he show the coach what he can do by playing his hardest in practice and whenever he gets into a game. As a freshman, it’s likely that upper classman are getting most of the playing time. Younger players often have to wait their turn. And he may well become bigger and stronger and therefore more likely to compete for prime positions in the future. If a big game is coming up, have your son look at it with a positive attitude, “When the time comes for me to play, I'll be at my best and show Coach how good I can be. Then I’ll be closer to my goal of being a starter.”
Your son should be praised for doing well in school, for being on a sports team, and for keeping all of his commitments. If he plays well, even for only a few plays, make sure to give him a pat on the back.
Keeping things in perspective is an important life skill. A proper perspective actually reduces stress. Have your son take a second to look at his playing on the football team from a different point of view. How important is playing on the team compared to his goal of becoming a top 10 student? Sports, like football, can be a healthy escape from school. However, if your son really believes he would be better off not playing football, make sure he does some physical activity, which helps reduce stress.