Question:
Hi, I have a situation that was sort of last resort. My stepsister has asked me and my husband to keep her daughter, my niece. She is 13, she has admitted to me that she has drank and smoked weed with friends, her older sister and mom. I have enrolled her in school and am trying to understand and talk to her about how her life can turn around if she really wants it to. But now the authorities are involved and I am not sure how long she will stay with us. She is a very smart girl in school, her grades are outstanding. But her attitude is another question. She just thinks she is trouble and that anyone who gets in her way will be dealt with. I have raised my own 3 children, 26,21,and 19. I really believe that she can be saved and have a chance at a better life. I am just at a lost for words when I hear all the things that she has witnessed in her short life. It's like a story about living in the hood. She is very quiet and sometimes she will try to open up and then shut down. I want to tell her it will be better, but I know that it is entirely up to her. She is easily convinced and will try almost anything. Very eager and innocent. It amazes me how much is available to these kids nowadays. Thank you for listening to me.Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Stephen Wallace, fields questions about drugs and alcohol. Stephen Wallace is the Chairman & Chief Executive Officer of SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions), and has served as school psychologist, camp director, and college professor. You can read more about him on SADD's site. Stephen answers:
That is a big "ask" and generous of you to say yes. While it sounds as though you will have your hands full, your sense of optimism about the opportunity to help her have a better life is just the approach you will need to make it happen. Keep her enrolled in school, keep talking with her about what she can do to turn things around, and keep listening. Family members can be extremely influential mentors in the lives of young people, boosting their sense-of-self and thus making it less likely they will use alcohol and other drugs, according to a Teens Today study from SADD. Given her life experiences to date, she might also benefit from some professional counseling.