Question:
I have a 12 y old daughter who is difficult for me to handle. I fight daily battles with her surrounding responsibility and respect. She is now beginning to tune out and losing her attachment to me (which used to be very strong). I think we need professional help. We are currently not living in the US (we are on a work relocation for 2 y; yes I know this is part of the problem) and I wonder whether there are internet based counselling services available for people who do not have easy access to counselling in their communities.Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Trisha Snidersich, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in work with children and adolescents, particularly around issues resulting from trauma. She provides individual and family therapy in addition to facilitating parenting skills groups. Currently, she is also managing a school based youth services program. She answers:
To address your actual question, yes, there absolutely are internet based counseling services, though there is not a particular one to which I could refer you. If you choose to pursue this path, you will have to search the different offerings and opt for the one that best meets your needs.
To address the question you didn’t ask, I must briefly discuss the normative development of a 12-year-old. You mention that you feel that you are beginning to lose the attachment you had with your daughter. Of course, I can only speculate about the relationship since I have very little information, but I would venture an educated guess that many parents of children near the age of your daughter have a similar concern. That is to say that parents often feel like they are losing their little girl or boy. And, in a sense, that is true. The purpose of a parent is to raise a child so that they may function independently as an adult. For this to happen, that child needs to separate from the parental figure and learn how to meet his or her own needs. The first time in a child’s life this phenomenon occurs is around age two. This is when a child first begins to learn 1) the actual limits of the control that they have over their environment and 2) that they are separate from their caregiver. This same learning experience occurs during adolescence, on a whole new level. When a tween or teenager begins to exert an inflated sense of control over their lives, they are actually practicing for later independence. Their judgment will sometimes be off, but their mistakes help them learn what they can and can’t do. At times, adolescents also can try to push very far back from their parents in an effort to successfully gain independence. To a parent, all this can feel like years of secure attachment are being torn apart. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean that this connection is actually being damaged. You may very well still wish to seek professional services, but sometimes it helps parents of adolescents to know that this experience is not uncommon and it does not necessarily indicate a need for therapeutic services, though support during this stressful time can be beneficial. Ultimately, the choice to pursue counseling is yours to make.