Question:
we are totally fed up with our 14 yr old daughter, disrespect, not following rules, no myspace, do chore(dishes) w/out being told, no phone if grounded, i could go on and on. she had a cell phone, it was taken because she was text to chatting with guys she didn't know. she never goes to friends because for some reason she would rather that than introduce us and give us #s and addresses. the only place she really goes is her cousins, she is 23ish, there she can do whatever because the cousin is irresponsible herself. but we give in every so often because she is always home. we have a park a block away but she cant go there w/ getting in trouble! boys omg she has got caught skipping school for 3 hrs w/ a boy. she has run away a few times in the past 2 yrs, the last time(spring) we had to have the police get her. she is her fathers only child and she is the only one at home, he has done everything he could for her, she gets everything she needs and most of what she wants(the wants are dwindleing). she knows how to get what she wants from him, she will ask, ask, ask, ask, ask every chance she get when she gets him alone. we have found notes from her to boys with swearing, bad talk about both of us, etc. one said she was ready to give him oral sex! I AM SOOO FED UP! can any one help?? thank youAnswer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Dr. Michael Schwartzman is a family therapist in New York City and the co-author of "The Anxious Parent". He answers:
A child who does not listen to her parents, and seems compelled to do exactly what they tell her not to whenever she gets the slightest chance may have a serious impulse disorder which would make it very difficult to parent her. Parents who feel so fed up as you describe, just may not be able to get the bearings necessary to parent during such a difficult period, and since she is only fourteen, you still have a lot of time ahead of you. For these reasons I would encourage you to request a referral to an Adolescent therapist from your daughter's Pediatrician. Make sure they also do Parent Guidance, and perhaps Family Therapy. It sounds like enough time of frustration for you and possibly negative experience for your daughter has accumulated that a consultation at this point in her upbringing could be useful. Be tactful though, and make sure to encourage the idea of a consultation as something to help all of you so that your daughter does not hear it as a put down like a lot of teenagers do.