Question:
My daughter is about to begin high school and will be turning 14 in a month. She is 5'8",well built and looks older. This summer she was introduced through an older cousin to a boy one year older. Should a freshman girl be attending gatherings with sophomores and possibly juniors? Can I let her see this boy, but only in my home and not while he is with his group? When should girls be allowed to date?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Dr. Anthony E. Wolf answers the question, “Why am I always the bad guy?” Dr. Wolf is the author of "'Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?' A Parents Guide to the New Teenager". He answers:
The main risk about younger teenagers dating or hanging out with others older than themselves is that the older those others are, the more likely they are going to be involved in drugs, drinking and more advanced sexual activities – hence more of a risk that the younger teenager will get involved with the same. Perhaps the only general rule that applies with all teenagers is that in regard to exposure to and activity in all of those more adult and potentially more risky behaviors that are out there in their world, for their long term success in life it is better to hold off – later rather than sooner. Frequently fourteen year old girls do go out with boys a year older than they are, it is not uncommon with boys even two years older. Kids want to grow up fast and move forward fast. On the other there really is no big hurry other than what they want.
The bottom line is not in knowing what is exactly right for a particular teen – that is almost impossible to know. What you are stuck with is that you are her parent, know and care about her probably more than anyone else in the world, and you are the one who is responsible for her well-being. Hence, in the end you have to go with what you are comfortable with. It is not that your judgment is right, but that you are the best person to make the decisions.