Question:
I'm having trouble deciding how to deal with a "texting problem" involving my soon to be 14-year-old son. Recently texting seems to take up all his free time. When my husband and I confiscated the phone due to bad behavior (talking back, refusing to do what is asked of him) we read several text messages that involved profanity and lies. It seems he and a friend are trying to impress some girls by embellishing stories about themselves. These embellishments seem trivial (lying about living in Hawaii for a year, etc.) but I'm afraid these lies will turn into bigger problems. And the language he uses to talk to his friends (and these girls) include many cuss words that he knows are inappropriate to use in speaking conversations. I know he is trying to "fit in" and make himself look "cool" to this friends and these girls, but it is like he is a different person when texting. And it is hard to relate to the way in which his friends "communicate" as when I was growing up, we talked on the phone or visited each other to stay in touch. My husband and I have tried to teach our children that lying and use of profanity are bad life choices. Do you have any advice on how we as parents should address his use of lies and profanity in the texting medium? Any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated.Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Renée Hobbs, Ed.D., M.A., is one of the nation's leading authorities on media literacy education. She is a Professor of Communication at Temple University's School of Communication and Theater, where she directs the Media Education Lab, a center for research and community service in media literacy. She has created numerous award-winning multimedia curriculum materials, including My Pop Studio for tween girls. Renée answers:
Don't be too nervous about your son being "a different person" while texting. This is a natural part of adolescence. Young people "try on" different types of identities in their peer groups during their teen years. Embellishments and taboo language are one way he is experimenting with defining himself. One good message to emphasize is how lying creates an atmosphere of distrust that weakens the quality and meaningfulness of personal relationships. It's hard to repair the damage done to a friendship when someone finds out that a friend has engaged in lying--- even if it's trivial or unimportant. Teens often have to discover this insight through personal experience, however. Be a good role model yourself by talking with him about the choices you make in your own life about being authentic and telling the truth.