Question:
My son is 18 years old and I discovered he is watching hard Porn. How do I confront him with this? and what impact will this have on his future relations with women?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Elizabeth M. Casparian, Ph.D. is Director of Educational Programs at HiTOPS in Princeton, NJ, where she and her staff provide educational programs to teens and parents throughout New Jersey. She answers:
Hello and thanks for your question. At 18, your son can legally view pornography in a variety of venues. Many young people are curious about pornography and when they become ‘legal’ will seek opportunities to view porn simply because it is one of the few new things they can legally do (aside from voting, being drafted or being able to purchase tobacco products.) This is a perfect opportunity to talk with your son about what being 18 means to him and to you. In addition to talking about war, voting and tobacco use, you can share your values related to pornography, violence against women, exploitation, objectification, etc. You can start a simple conversation about how worried you are about the effect viewing pornography will have on a person’s sexual relationships with ‘real life’ partners and how women are viewed and portrayed. You can discuss what you are worried about and share your own viewpoints.
He may not be willing to talk with you about his experiences, but he will hear what you are saying. It might be possible to prevent a younger teen from viewing pornography, but this might not be realistic with an older teen. Since you are worried about this, it is likely that your values about women, relationships and exploitation have been transmitted to him over the 18 years of being your son, so you will simply be adding to what he has learned from you so far. If he has witnessed healthy relationships and has had some candid conversations about sexuality with you over the years, chances are he will be able to distinguish between the exploitation, fantasy and violence of pornography and the love, caring and mutuality of a real relationship. Hope this helps answer your question.