Question:
My daughter asked to live with her Dad as she missed him and I said "yes" as I know this is important to her. However, I am missing her very much. How can I stay in touch with her (she is in a different state) so she knows that I love her and am always here for her. But I do not want to be too mushy (even though I am a mushy mom! ha! ha!) or inundate her with phone calls and emails. As I want her to enjoy this time with her dad and not feel guilty about leaving her mom. Not sure what to do.Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Trisha Snidersich, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in work with children and adolescents. She provides individual and family therapy in addition to facilitating parenting skills groups. She answers:
The first thing to do is talk to your daughter and tell her what you wrote in your question to Parenting Teens Online. Let her know that she should enjoy the time with her father, but you miss her and are always there anytime she needs. Ask her for ideas on what you can do to keep in touch that won’t seem too overwhelming. There are various ways to stay connected without becoming a bother. A daily “hello” call may be too much, but you won’t know unless you ask her. Let her know that you value her opinion and want her to be honest about what works for her. You could make suggestions like sending a weekly email. Or you could even send a monthly care package filled with something small and inexpensive. In the package, you could include a note saying something like, “I saw this picture and thought of you” or “I know how you like to do your nails… Saw this nail polish color and thought you’d like it.”
Teenagers want to feel attached to their parents just as much as any other age child. They don’t always seem to be sending that message, but it is completely true. Your daughter might roll her eyes about her “mushy mom” but talking to her and keeping an open relationship is beneficial for both of you. After you speak with her, do something that you both feel satisfied by. Living with her dad does not diminish the importance of her relationship with you as mom.