Question:
my 15 year old daughter has dabbled in bi-sexuality and this concerns me that she is labeling herself at 15 we have gotten into heated arguments about this I told her that I can understand that she is confused but to go around telling everyone that you are Bi is not a smart idea as she has endured a lot of harassing in the beginning when this first came out. Now she just tells me that her boyfriend doesn’t mind and my point to this is what man would??? I am at this time not allowing her to date and have broken up the relationship she had with her now ex-boyfriend. Because of the above but also because of the fact that once again we had the “being safe” talk and she has informed me that if and when she becomes sexually active she will not use a condom as her boyfriend at that time did not like them???? I almost fell over I am very open with my kids and talk freely with them and she knows about all the risks of not using a condom but she said well he wont use them and when I stressed to her again that then she should tell him if he wont use one then she wont be doing anything. But she just will not listen to me and I am afraid with all the things going around that she will get something. How do I get her to understand she needs to protect herself no matter what.Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Logan Levkoff, PH.D., is a Sexologist and Sexuality Educator. She answers:
Thank you for writing in. I know that this is difficult to tackle, so let me try to help. First, while you don't want her labeling herself at this time (it's early and natural to try and figure out who you are), our world is made up of labels. In order to feel like we have a real identity, we put ourselves in a little box, because it's easier to do that than to say, I don't know what I am. What I might tell your daughter is that it is okay to be unsure of her sexual orientation, and just because she has labeled herself now doesn't mean that it won't change.
Now, the second part is more problematic. Under no circumstance, should sexually active teenagers forgo protection. (For that matter, no adult should forgo protection, either.) If a partner refuses, than that is a partner (of either gender) who is not worthy. And if a partner is unable to speak up and demand protection, than he or she isn't ready to have sex. We need to teach our children how to determine whether or not they are ready to have sex and to measure whether a partner is deserving of having sex. It seems here that this boyfriend does not respect his girlfriend and her safety. Also, the idea that a teenage boy doesn't like condoms is ridiculous. Sexual pleasure is not just physical, but mental too. Does it feel good when you have sex and are spending most of the time thinking, "Is this the time when I get pregnant?" or "Will I get an STD?"
Teens (and adults) need to know that their sexuality is an important part of who they are and not just about the act of having sex. You are not trying to take those feelings or desires away from your daughter, but you are trying to get her to make smart decisions now so that there are no permanent repercussions.
Hope this helps.
Logan