Question:
My son is 13 years old. We talk with each other only a little bit every day.I often try to talk more with him. But he seems to have nothing to talk with me. And he even does not want to answer my question. I am really worried our relationship become worse and worse. Could you tell me what should I do?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Dr. Michael Schwartzman is a family therapist in New York City and the co-author of "The Anxious Parent". He answers:
Welcome to the teen years. Especially after putting in so much effort and caring so much it is very difficult when your child shuts you out. This is, however, not about your relationship. It is about him becoming more into himself and separating from his nurturing and caring family. But don't take my word for it. Ask him. Try saying, "When you are so quiet and you don't even answer my questions you make me feel as though I've done something wrong. Have I." Chances are you won't get much of an answer so ask your spouse to ask. Ask one of his friend's mothers if he is being very quiet too. Talking for a teen can be like reliving an unpleasant experience. What's the point, he might feel, unless there is something in it for him. Unless he has something to say which indicates something you have done, which of course you would remedy, bide your time. Try little talks, at various moments. Try hard not to take this personally. It is actually a good developmental step for him. He is trying to rely more on himself.