Question:
My 14 year old son appears calm and cool on the outside, but is really a bundle of nerves before every important event. So much so, he ends up throwing up nearly everyday. Whether it's a big test, basketball try-outs, going to the movies with his friends, a party, or any other normal situation, he's throwing up before he goes. How can I help? Even though it's often just phlegm he spits up, (he has stopped eating before an event to try to keep from vomiting) I am concerned about his mental and physical states.Please help!!Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Donna Secor Pennington, LMSW, has been a school social worker at the high school level for twenty years and has been an advocate for programs and services for teens and parents. She answers:
Many teens and adults suffer from symptoms of anxiety, including nausea and upset stomach before an important event such as a big basketball game. Your son’s situation, however, is much more troublesome due to its very frequent occurrence and connection with everyday activities. If he has not been seen by his pediatrician to rule out any physical causes, you should make an appointment for him.
If the cause is believed to be anxiety, there are some steps you can take to try to help him address this situation. Often there is an underlying fear of some type of bad or catastrophic event that might occur such as a fear that he might be in an accident or hurt in some way, or that something bad will happen to someone at home when he is gone. The fear may be interpersonal in nature, such as a concern about being embarrassed, being laughed at by his peers or even disappointing you! Sometimes, being able to identify his fears and talk about them may lead to some improvement.
Another strategy is to help your son learn some relaxation techniques that could be used as soon as he begins to feel sick. These include deep breathing or trying to visualize himself in a safe or calm place, listening to soothing music, etc.
If these techniques are not successful, your son should be seen by a mental health professional for an evaluation and treatment. Your pediatrician should be able to provide you with a referral. There is help available, left untreated, your son will continue to suffer or might become disabled by his fears.