Question:
My daughter is 13 and started high school this year being year 8. She did some stupid things at the beginning of the year, like sending text msgs to boys of a sexual nature, as a joke and decided to exchange photos, without thinking of the consequences. As she goes to a small town private catholic school she has received a fair bit of flack concerning the incidents. To make the incidents worse, she had a falling out with a kid that she has been friends with for the past 3 years. Which this person is adding fuel to the fire by making up stories and continually bullying her. We've been to counseling as a family, and all has gone well there. But I can't seem to decide whether she should ride the bullying and teasing out, or should I change schools. She is extremely unhappy, as she has gone from a kid with all types of friends to only having a few to console her.Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Chris Valdez , is currently the Assistant Principal for Curriculum and Instruction at Marin Catholic High School in Northern California. He has worked in high schools for fifteen years in a variety of capacities including Dean of Students, English teacher, and baseball coach. He answers:
I am as concerned about uses of technology as much as I am about the bad habits and actions of kids that are exposed by that technology. Text messages and photo exchanges are going to be the bane of many students' futures because they simply don't understand that posting anything digitally can be like taking an ad out on a billboard near any major city airport. Potentially, millions of people can see it. Your daughter I gather has learned her lesson but is now paying for it dearly. First off, she is perhaps better off having only a few consoling friends. So if she is confident in a few, I would recommend she ride this out in her current school. If there is bullying and slandering at school, the school needs to be made aware of it and the school needs to be held accountable for doing something about it. No child, regardless of their prior mistakes, should fear bulling in school. At the same time, you and your daughter need to mend the fences that were broken down during the instigating incident. She should address her concerns with the her former friend and if need be you should speak with the parents of this former friend. I am afraid that changing schools at this formative time will teach the wrong lesson in the long term. We have to be accountable for our actions--it's a tough lesson, but once learned? will help prevent greater problems down the road.