Question:
Last evening my youngest had me get cash for him from the bank. It was $100 all in 10 dollar bills. He laid it on the kitchen island. This morning he was going to put it away, why he did not last night I do not know, and found $30 missing. My other 2 kids swear they did not take it and my husband and I did not take it. Huge fight. My youngest blamed his older brother. Words and fists went flying. My oldest boy swears he did not take. He is now mad that everyone blames him. I told everyone we were having a family meeting tonight and will find the $30. Nobody else was in our house last night. How should of this been handled. Because I think we handled it poorly. Everyone of us is having a terrible day. Family trust has been damaged. Thanks.Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Donna Secor Pennington, LMSW, has been a school social worker at the high school level for twenty years and has been an advocate for programs and services for teens and parents. She answers:
It is very upsetting to think that someone in your family is likely to have taken this money and it is hard to defend such behavior. Cash lying unattended on a kitchen island, however, does present a considerable temptation and taking it could be an impulsive act, done without much forethought. The culprit may now have some regrets but have trouble admitting his mistake. Unless there is such an admission, it will likely be impossible to find and identify it. This is something that you cannot control. Your son may have learned a painful lesson about taking precautions with his possessions, especially cash.
The stealing behavior is a greater concern if it represents a pattern and less so if it seems to be an isolated incident. Many teens engage in impulsive behaviors on occasion. Resentment or competition among siblings is also common, but generally will be resolved over time. Your idea of holding a family meeting is a good one. Take the time to try help your sons understand the need for family members to be able to trust one another and the many negative consequences of stealing. Encourage the expression of their feelings about the incident. If your finances permit, you might offer to “split the difference” with your younger son since you may both bear at least some responsibility for leaving cash out in the open.