Question:
My 16 year old son is usually a very easy going child. He is pushing the limits lately as far as staying out past dark and not calling or answering his phone to let us know where he is. Last night he refused to be picked up at 11:00pm or let us know where he was. Now what kind of consequence would you suggest? We need him to understand that this is behavior is unacceptable and that as his parents we need to know that he is safe and where he is.Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Donna Secor Pennington, LMSW, has been a school social worker at the high school level for twenty years and has been an advocate for programs and services for teens and parents. She answers:
As you recognize, this is a very important issue that involves your son’s well-being, as well as your peace of mind. You would be within your rights as parents to impose a serious consequence for his behavior. For example, if he does not answer his cell phone when you try to contact him, it would seem reasonable to take it away from him for a period of time. Grounding for the weekend following one of these incidents might be appropriate as well.
On the other hand, you might offer the alternative of engaging in some conversation and negotiation with him surrounding the issues of a curfew time and informing you of his whereabouts. Is he avoiding your calls because he believes that his curfew is too early or because he is in an unsupervised place? If possible, try to learn more about where he has been spending his time. Talk to other parents about the curfews that they have established. If you agreed to a slightly later curfew, would he agree to keep you informed about his whereabouts? Curfew times might also be flexible, depending on the activity and his level of cooperation. He should be aware, however, that you have the final authority in this area. When he does return home, you should observe him for signs of drinking or drug use. If your son has otherwise been fairly easy to parent, this should be a problem that you can solve!