Question:
I have grandson who has lived with us for the last 4 years he is 17 years old will be 18 in August 2008, he will not accept responsibility. In the last two years he has only 8 credits and needs 22 to graduate from high school. His family life before we got custody was not the greatest but we have tried to make up for some of that by giving him a home, clothes, food, cell phone, t.v., computer and a weekly allowance, etc. He is not trying in school and expects things all the time whether he helps around the house or not (like picking up clothes, taking his clothes and putting them away or just taking out the trash). He needs to go to summer school to take science because he has failed science 3 years and needs 3 credits in science to graduate. The cost is $425.00 which I have told him he will need to pay. That means getting a job after school and on week ends to pay for summer school. All he seems to want to do is hang with his friends and girl friend and of course have a good time just hanging. I have not allowed him to get his learner's permit. I told him you have not shown me you are responsible enough to pass school, why should you drive?? I thought this might make him want to work towards getting passing grades in school so he could drive like all his friends but this has not worried him as his friends drive him places. At least he has stopped smoking which he was skipping lunch and using that money for cigarettes...What am I to do with him???? I have told him if he doesn't go to summer school then he is moving back to his parents. I really want him to succeed but what can I do???Signed,
Concered Granmother
Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Donna Secor Pennington, LMSW, has been a school social worker at the high school level for twenty years and has been an advocate for programs and services for teens and parents. She answers:
The fact that your grandson has only eight high school credits at almost eighteen years of age may indicate that he has some kind of problem in addition to a lack of responsibility. You are right to question spending a lot of money on summer school without being sure that he had a reasonable chance of success. Students who are regarded as "lazy" may have some kind of learning disability, attention disorder or emotional problem that has not been recognized. Your grandson may lack some basic academic skills or may have simply given up in the face of so much failure. His school records should show if he has always struggled in school or if he was a good student in the past.
I would request a meeting with his guidance counselor, teachers and the school psychologist and/or a school social worker to be sure that the reasons for his failure are clearly understood. You have the right to request that the school conduct an evaluation to answer these questions. Substance abuse, particularly marijuana abuse, is another common cause of poor achievement in school. A drug test could rule this possibility in or out.
Since your grandson is so behind in his credits, you should also inquire about the availability of some kind of alternative education program in your area. Often these programs offer a smaller setting where instruction is more individualized. Some districts also have “credit recovery” programs where students review course materials and take tests to earn credits at a faster rate.
Finally, using driver’s training as an incentive has apparently not been effective. Try some shorter term consequences such as loss of his cell phone for a week when he misses school or doesn’t do his hand in his work, etc. The part-time job is an excellent idea. Sometimes teens who don’t do well in school experience some success on a job and this boosts their self–confidence overall. You are doing a wonderful thing by trying to help your grandson get a better start in life, but, as you know, you need a different plan of action!