Question:
I have a 16 year old daughter. She can be a sweet lovable girl. But some times she just get nasty. When she wants something and we don't give it to her or she doesn't hear the answer she wants she threatens not to come home again. She has done this once before where she left home threatening us never to come back and she stayed with a friend for a week. Then she came home. I'm sick about these threats and what control she really has over us. I respect your opinions. Your book "Get Out Of My Life" helped me a lot but doesn't cover this area. Any suggestions. My husband is ready to tell her never to come back. HELP!Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Dr. Anthony E. Wolf is the author of "'Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?' A Parents Guide to the New Teenager". He answers:
Most important is that in making decisions that affect your daughter you stay with what you are most comfortable with and not be swayed by her threats. The deal needs to be that when we decide something, we're sorry if you don't like it, but our decision stands. If you stay with what you decide I don't see where she has control over you. If she runs away you have the option of involving the police to get her back, which you may or may not choose to do. But if she sees that running away, or the threats of running away, don't change anything when she is at your house, then running away accomplishes nothing for her except that she ran away. Kicking her out of the house altogether may teach her that if you're going to live here you have to live with our rules, but more often than not it just escalates bad feelings and does little that is positive.