Question:
Our 14year old son, Ben, is going through all the awful usual teenage stuff. A friend has said her son NEVER COMES OUT OF HIS BEDROOM when he is home and suggested we should let Ben be the same. Is this ok - bit worried about ignoring him.Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Donna Secor Pennington, LMSW, has been a school social worker at the high school level for twenty years and has been an advocate for programs and services for teens and parents. She answers:
Although teens clearly tend to spend more time in their rooms than other family members, "never coming out" is a definite red flag that needs the attention of parents. I would wonder what kinds of entertainment are available in the bedroom, such as video games, computer with Internet access, television, etc. If some or all of these are available, I would consider moving them to a common area such as a family room, in an effort to coax Ben out of his bedroom. Fourteen-year-olds need supervision of their Internet use and time limits on video gaming. In addition, you should insist that your son join you for most mealtimes, since eating together as a family has been shown to be very beneficial for healthy physical and emotional development in teens. Parents should strive for a balance that allows their teenager to have some privacy and time alone, but also keeps them involved with the family. Spending too much time alone is a risk factor for depression and other social and emotional problems.
One way to judge if your son is doing ok is to look at whether he is doing reasonably well in school, has at least some friends and is involved in one or more activities or interests outside of the home. If so, you probably shouldn't be too worried, if not, you might want to consult Ben's pediatrician, a school counselor or school social worker to discuss this situation further.