Question:
I think my daughter (15) is experimenting sexually with a girlfriend. I don't know what this means, and it concerns me. What should I do?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert Bonnie Parker, R.N. discusses "things about teen sex I don't understand". Bonnie is former Director of Hi-Tops, Princeton, NJ. She answers:
Adolescence is a time of sexual maturing and exploration. Girls are much more likely than boys to hold hands, hug, cuddle up on a couch or a bed. In small groups they often behave like puppies, massaging, tickling, playing with one another's hair, slumped in a heap on the floor or anywhere else comfortable. Kissing and hugging is more socially acceptable among girls than for boys. It is also possible that your daughter is experimenting sexually with this one particular girl, and that they have a physical attraction to one another. Adolescents are more likely to explore explore their sexual orientation today than ever before. Events in the media supportive of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered youth are very prevalent today, so kids are beginning to accept their sexual orientation and seek others who are also gay. This is very often difficult for parents to accept, as it changes their image of their child, and can create a sense of loss. The best thing you can do in this situation is find ways to let your daughter know you love her and are proud of her, that you hope she will make relationship decisions responsibly and with respect, and that she be safe. Try to find ways to open the door to conversation regarding sexual orientation if you feel she wants to talk to you about it, but otherwise trust she will talk with you when she is ready and feels safe to do so. If it turns out that she is a lesbian, seek a support group not only for her, but for yourself as well. PFLAG - Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, a national organization, has chapters all over the country and can be very helpful. HiTOPS Teen Health & Education Center in Princeton, NJ has a very wonderful program for teen gay, lesbian, bisexuals and transgendered youth. They can provide you with many valuable resources. Try calling them at 609-683-5155 and ask for ext. 217, or emailing corrine@hitops.org.