Question:
My step-son (age12) made a major mistake yesterday. After school he was allowed to go to a local playground, which is not all that uncommon. He and a friend was "roughhousing" and some adults told them to stop b/c the wrestling was becoming too physical and someone could get hurt. Apparently my step-son told the adult that "he didn't have to listen to her" and kept on playing around. Shortly thereafter, my step-son tackled an unsuspecting friend of his (same age, etc.) who just happened to be an innocent bystander. This friend now has 2 broken bones: 1 in the foot and 1 in the ankle. Further, my step-son and this friend play on a travel soccer team together; and this season is to begin this Sunday! My husband and I feel awful. What should we do?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Donna Secor Pennington, LMSW, has been a school social worker at the high school level for twenty years and has been an advocate for programs and services for teens and parents. She answers:
Unless your step-son has a history of aggressive and injurious behavior towards others, this incident would seem to fall into the category of a very unfortunate accident. A certain amount of physical horseplay is still well within the normal range for boys his age and accidental injuries do occur. His failure to heed the warning of the adult should also be viewed in the context of his overall pattern of behavior. Was he caught up in the "heat of the moment" or does he often disregard the directions of adults? Your step-son should apologize and offer to make amends to the extent that is reasonably possible for a 12 year old boy. Since some kind of consequence seems appropriate to help him understand the seriousness of injuring someone else, you might assign some extra chores or help him find work in the neighborhood to earn some money to purchase a DVD or video game, etc. to give to his injured teammate as a token of his concern. You and your husband can also send a card expressing your regrets about the incident and your intention to help your son learn from this mistake.