Question:
My 16 year old son is incredibly intelligent but is very passive and is definitely a "follower" and not a "leader". I'm worried about the long term implications because he keeps choosing less than optimum teens to follow. How can I help him find his inner "leader". Thanks!Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Donna Secor Pennington, LMSW, has been a school social worker at the high school level for twenty years and has been an advocate for programs and services for teens and parents. She answers:
Being incredibly intelligent is a great gift, but it can also make the journey through adolescence more difficult. Very bright teenagers can be more sensitive and may experience the world a bit differently than their peers. They may have a harder time "fitting in." Your son may be more likely to take a leadership role in groups or activities that tend to attract other bright teenagers. These would include debate teams, chess clubs, politically-oriented groups, or clubs that enter various math or science-related competitions, etc. Keep in mind, though, that some of us are more likely to be followers than leaders based on our basic temperament or personality styles. The concern might be not so much about him being a follower as about who he is following. I am curious about what you mean by "less than optimum" peers. If you are talking about peers that are not necessarily the most popular ones in the school, I would be less concerned than if they are a teens who do very poorly in school, skip classes or are suspected of substance abuse, etc. In that case, I would provide a lot of supervision and become more active in efforts to minimize his time with them.