Question:
My teenager is very defiant and refuse to go to church stating she does not know if she believes what the bible says. She went to a Christian school from nursery to 8th grade. She is now in a public high school and will be turning 16 this April. What is the proper approach to this situation?Answer:
ParentingTeensOnline expert, Donna Secor Pennington, LMSW, has been a school social worker at the high school level for twenty years and has been an advocate for programs and services for teens and parents. She answers:
One of the important tasks of development for adolescents is to begin to develop a sense of their own identities, including their own values and religious beliefs. Many teens go through a phase of questioning, and even seeming to reject, some of the beliefs of their parents. This can be particularly upsetting to parents who have invested a great deal in educating their children in the values that are important to them. Keep in mind that this is a step along the pathway to becoming an independent and successful adult.
Try to be patient with your daughter and understand that she may not really mean everything she says. Sometimes teens make attention getting statements as a way to let parents know they are growing up. At the same time, however, you have the right to insist that she continue to participate in your family's religious practices. You can let her know that some day she will have the right to choose her own. You might consider letting her attend a different church with one of her friends on occasion to let her learn about other religious traditions. The words of one of my favorite and very wise college professors have always remained with me. He assured us that most of our children, after making their way through the sometimes stormy years of adolescence and young adulthood, would turn out in the end to be very much like us!